THE SEA RANCH, CALIFORNIA

Long day. I feel sad. I sang for a long time. Maybe you’re supposed to be vulnerable and sincere, but I keep trying to rewrite the record. I didn’t listen to enough music or read enough books. All these doubts that anybody has are all in your head. They can see the things that you can’t see. You don’t pay attention to anyone and no one pays attention to you. If you have no money the government will come get you. A list of what I did today. Tide pools. Sea urchins look like Dr. Seuss trees. I’m always pleased to see a snake. If you sing about food it’s for old people. I try not to say curse words or sing about food. I wanted to say bitch real bad today but I didn’t. Chores. Girlfriend. Photo safari. Flowers, waves, old barn, and fence. Eminem imbibes pop culture for the benefit of having a subject matter his audience will predictably identify with? Who is your audience, and what are you interested in? I don’t even know who you are. Sometimes I don’t understand why this job is necessary. I’m a reasonable worker. Snakes and tide pools feel right again. The Newport Jazz festival on the radio from Point Reyes and Bolinas. Jack Kerouac’s grave. Your friend said you’re good at baseball. This is a form of study. You need a game. The whims of the law.

SEA RANCH, CALIFORNIA I walked the trail northward and brought the camera a long to photograph the sunset and the sea. The pictures taken were either too light, or too dark, with nothing interesting in focus. I also don’t care for how the sun reads as white light flooding in. I’ll need to learn what those numbers mean that are listed prior to the first sentence of this paragraph. There are so many different concepts to learn. Take them one at a time. Experiment. Keep records. Know what the most important project is. Finish that first. Photography is for fun, and returning to beginner’s mind. Interesting to note I’ve been alone the past two days and the subject matter chosen is perfectly desolate. I noticed this phenomenon when I was a school teacher: When a child draws a jack o’ lantern, or a ghost, or a turtle, the subject always just looks like the artist. Art is reflection. So are tackle boxes, the insides of refrigerators, the walls of dormitories, the libraries in prisons, the flowers in gardens, and the backs of baseball cards. Sometimes the reflection is a self conscious advertisement, and sometimes the viewer is hidden from sight.

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THE SEA RANCH, CALIFORNIA

All those people got all mad about Elvis, Jackie Robinson, and Brigitte Bardot. They don’t want the kids to learn about sex but they’re stoked about the hydrogen bomb. A long time singing into a microphone without a predictable result. List of former jobs. Those Malcom Gladwell type of people. I’ve never seen a road runner. I have seen a Jesus lizard. They bring me joy. I don’t like the word “larvae.” Fully formed adult self eats insects. Big snake can eat a mammal. Other eating feats by non human species. People get all mad if there’s bugs in something unless they pay a lot of money for it. Jesus hates kids looking at naked, intelligent women but loves them looking at the hydrogen bomb. The Eisenhower administration has pros and cons. Poor math skills in measuring the efficacy of an economy. I need to stop making fun of people all the time. Privacy is grandfathered in. I’m tempted to show the pictures of a community I’m too impatient to be a part of. I can see a green field. I can hear sheep. I felt compelled to make a document. No more editing. What I’ll do when I turn off the camera. Trespass on the beach, swim in the ocean, and evade the ranger. What’s this guy’s problem anyway? Bye.

THE SEA RANCH, CALIFORNIA

Ulysses S Grant slept in a tent. He’s been to San Francisco. Why was the civil war fought in Pennsylvania? The confederates were attacking? Donald Trump impersonation. Why do you keep looking over there? John F Kennedy and Nikita Khrushchev did a good job. Thank you. List of sex partners. Drug dealer ancestors. I’m good looking and sad and my back hurts and my wife’s hot. Stop quoting dead people! My impersonation of a Maryland person during the Pandemic crisis. A couple o’ fuckin’ beers. Evita Peron. I don’t know how to spell that. Maybe she had good intentions and then power corrupted and then they made a musical about her. Judy Garland was Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz. Harold Arlen. They treated entertainers the same way they treated children, machines, animals. Uppers and Downers. The Wire was a good TV show, especially the school parts. D’Angelo Barksdale would vote for Biden. Stringer Bell didn’t have acceptance from his father. Omar would vote Bernie. Jesus and Joseph had a father. Wade Boggs was really good if you were paying attention at the time. Everybody’s a judge. Alexander the Great had a boyfriend and slept in a tent. I won’t listen to the commander of the military now because he doesn’t sleep in a tent. Edit that, my persona doesn’t curse. Talking to a camera in an empty room. Chinese cell phones in Mexico. The experts are mad I accused the government of propaganda. I’m scared of jail for sure, and death. All the times I was a coward. The mop scene in Fantasia. Give it to the Aliens. Not everybody can be a Yogi. I don’t know what work I should do. The widest vista you can find. Exert yourself. Feel the ground beneath your feet.

THE SEA RANCH, CALIFORNIA

BRISAS DE ZICATELA, OAXACA

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